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Archive for the ‘Things That Suck’ Category

No.

Just . . . no.

Ron de Jeremy Spiced Rum
That’s right: “Ron de Jeremy” Spiced Rum, named after . . . you know . . .

Like its namesake, Ron de Jeremy Spiced is full of flavor. It is artfully blended with spices and all natural ingredients. The rich and deep color supports the well-rounded and complex aroma, with hints of vanilla and spices. The long and smooth finish is extremely pleasing. Ron de Jeremy Spiced is an exceptionally good mixer with cola and juices, but also great straight up.

Ron Jeremy loves his rum and is highly involved and active in promoting it; “Ron de Jeremy is great- the taste is long and full, and the finish is smooth, which suits me perfectly! And I love the idea. Ron means Rum! I am very proud of my Ron and I hope my many friends all over the world will have a chance to try it.”

What I really love is that they pass it off as some sort of artisanal product of the legendary Cuban rum-making craft:

Ron de Jeremy Rum is hand crafted by another legend, 72-year old Cuban Master Distiller Francisco “Don Pancho” Fernandez. Don Pancho is one of the most experienced and renowned Master Distillers in the rum industry today. His skills have been directly responsible for the success of countless rum brands. Don Pancho inspected his best barrels to hand pick the ones worthy of becoming Ron de Jeremy.

So drink up! You’re getting the good stuff. Don Pancho himself ensured it is “worthy of becoming Ron de Jeremy”. I can’t bring myself to imagine how.

UPDATE: I have to admit, the distributors’ response was cool (see Comments). And apparently the drink is getting good reviews at professional tastings. So I’ll give it a try and report back!

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What is the deal with movie preview special offers? Who goes to these things?

Thanks to my penchant for blindly signing up for anything I’m asked to, I somehow got on a mailing list for one of those marketing companies that arranges test screenings of new movies. At too-frequent intervals, I get invitations to appear at a local theater for a special pre-release VIP screening of some movie I’ve never heard of, the name of which is usually buried three levels deep in the signup form. These are the screenings you sometimes see at theaters, where you’re just trying to get to your movie and the entire lobby is filled with a line of kids snaking out the door to the sidewalk, being yelled at by a bunch of young people wearing matching polo shirts and holding clipboards, milling around like obedient sheep who have obviously already gotten used to a long wait.

But seriously – other than teenagers who are easily excited and can’t afford regular tickets, who does this? I’m supposed to go through some complicated signup procedure for this totally random movie, turn up at a specified hour at the theater and stand in line for up to another hour taking instructions from ex-cheerleaders, being dutifully careful not to have anything with me that takes pictures or records audio (like, say, every cellphone, iPad, and laptop computer in existence) so as not to possibly infringe on the precious intellectual property rights of the producers of “Jackass IV Redux: 3D!”, and then wait to find out if I will actually be allowed to see the movie since the theater is overbooked and simply having an invitation only gives me the right to stand in line, not actually see the film. If I’m lucky, I do get to go into the theater to see a test version of a movie that’s still in post-production, and then spend another half hour filling out response cards and surveys for the benefit of the producers (I’m working for them, now). And all this for a movie which I don’t actually know I would want to see even if it were finished yet.

I keep getting these invites but I’ve never once attempted to take advantage of (or, let myself be taken advantage of by) one. I need to see about getting off some mailing lists.

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I picked up Penn Jillette’s new book God, No!, yesterday, and am already most of the way through it. It’s pitched as an atheist’s version of the “Ten Commandments”. (This apparently was prompted by an exchange Penn had with Glenn Beck that resulted in Penn dashing off his own version of the Ten Commandments and Beck distributing them at his right-wing rallies. I’m still not entirely clear how that makes any sense.)

In fact, the book – like most of Penn’s stuff – just turns out to be a loose collection of breezy anecdotes and rants, dubiously organized thematically around his “Ten Atheist Suggestions”. It’s basically a compilation of Penn’s show-biz stories and video-blog ramblings, apparently intended to illustrate how his “Suggestions” work in his daily life – the connections are thin in most cases. The first chapter is a lengthy and utterly pointless, but fascinating, profile of Vegas performers Siegfried and Roy; it has about one paragraph of material that even mentions religion, and ends with Penn paying several thousand dollars for a pair of tight leather pants as a kind of tribute to Roy after he was injured in his tiger-taming act. That also makes no sense, and sets the tone for the rest of the book. Many of the chapters are hilarious (his story about being one of the first to ride the civilian “vomit comet” zero-g plane, while doing a striptease with a member of ZZ Top and a woman with huge breast implants, is indescribably bizarre; his visit to one of San Francisco’s infamous gay bathhouses at the height of the gay-bar scene – in which he couldn’t get a single gay guy to hit on him in a place that exists only for men to have sex with each other – is equally whacky). Many are touching, especially when he talks about his family. But many have virtually nothing to do with religion, or even with the moral principles that open each section of the book. (He includes a long story about his $100 bet with radio host Alex Bennet – that he couldn’t have sex while SCUBA diving with a fashion model – that is clearly in there only for the purpose of bragging. He even includes the text of his unpublished letter to Penthouse magazine about it.)

On only partial familiarity, my reaction is that the book is vintage Penn – funny and irreverent and not too rigorous. I am enjoying reading it, but I don’t think it contributes anything to the “New Atheism” or to any understanding of atheism or religion. Fans of Penn & Teller – and I am one – will find it a lot of fun, but I don’t think it rises above that level. And that’s what really gets me – not so much about the book, but about Penn himself.

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Children flinging poo to get attention: dipshit College Republicans (there is no other kind) at UC Berkeley have been loudly touting their “Increase Diversity Bake Sale” – a racist provocation that has been standard fare for campus right-wing groups for 10 years or more. The gag is simple: they offer cupcakes for sale with prices set by race, with whites paying more and people of color getting lower prices as a form of “affirmative action”. This seems stupid, and so they figure they have scored some kind of point against affirmative action for things that really matter.

The real point, of course, is to anger people who actually care about race issues, and to get attention for themselves. It usually works. This week, there’s a lot of media attention, and both the UC campus student organization and the university administration have issued condemnations. But as student-activism scholar, and sometime Lean Left commenter, Angus Johnston points out, even these reactions have generally missed the mark.

On Sunday night ASUC — Berkeley’s student government — unanimously passed a resolution that, after a page of careful laying out of the various jurisdictional issues and imperatives involved, “condemn[ed] the use of discrimination whether it is in satire or seriousness by any student group.”

And yesterday Berkeley’s chancellor sent out an open letter on the sale. The event, he said, was “hurtful or offensive to many” at Berkeley, though he didn’t say why. It was not the politics of the sale, he implied, that were problematic, but the form of their expression: “Regardless what policies or practices one advocates, careful consideration is needed on how to express those opinions.”

Absent from each of these formal statements was any explicit statement of what exactly was wrong with the Republicans’ sale. (ASUC indicated that actually selling treats to certain students at reduced prices might violate anti-discrimination regulations, but of course actually selling stuff was never the point of the event.) . . .

[Chancellor] Birgenau wants to make the debate about the bake sale a debate about how polite the Berkeley community should be. But that’s not what it’s about, on either side. It’s about who should be allowed to enroll in the university, and on what terms.

Maintaining a professorial neutrality, Angus also doesn’t offer a detailed critique of the bake sale. It is obviously mean-spirited, and obviously fails to engage its nominal subject in any intelligent or substantive way. But what exactly is wrong with it, and why exactly is it a bad thing for them to be doing? Here’s how I understand the issues:

First, start with the fact that it’s deliberately provocative. It’s a parody of affirmative action policies such as scholarships for the underprivileged, and an expression of the right’s generally parodic understanding of affirmative action in general as being “special benefits for minorities and women”. (I’m not aware of any affirmative action program that consists of explicitly race-based price discounts for retail items, but I’m willing to bet these CR morons don’t actually know that their price list isn’t a real form of affirmative action.) It trivializes the issue of racial privilege and affirmative action by applying it at a trivial level, to frivolous items, and creates a parody instance of the right’s characterization of affirmative action as “reverse discrimination” with whites as victims. By moving the entire issue onto a silly and false footing, they mock the issue and the people it addresses.

Second, it makes no sense. There’s no way a bake sale “increases diversity”, and “diversity” and “affirmative action” aren’t the same thing. Again, the whole thing is just an expression of the right wing’s stupid and willfully ignorant understanding not only of race issues but affirmative action in general. In the same way that the right approaches every political and social issue by simply pushing buttons to generate canned responses from their followers, and mouthing code words and slogans that don’t actually mean anything – “family values”, “protect our children”, “traditional marriage”, “pro-life”, “fair tax”, “socialism”, “death panels” – they regard race as just another issue to demagogue with its particular set of meaningless and interchangeable code words: “diversity”, “affirmative action”, “reverse discrimination”. As an approach to its actual topic, the bake sale is not just provocative, but consists only in provocation. It claims to be more than just a demonstration or protest – the pricing scheme is apparently intended as a symbolic commentary on race-based aid programs, and as such substantive and meaningful – but it is in fact grounded in stupidity all the way down to the level of vocabulary. Yet for the right, being incoherent and dishonest is just a tactic, not an embarrassment.

But there is more than just that involved.

As a provocation, the stunt is crude and self-centered. It’s a childish act of mockery mostly intended to gain attention for its perpetrators – to make themselves interesting and relevant in a way that avoids taking an articulate position against helping people hurt by racism and racial history, and taking responsibility for that indifference. By treating their own chosen issue as a joke, they treat the concerns of those who take the issue seriously, and the harms that affirmative action seeks to address, as a joke. Just as right-wingers can’t see the history and reality of racism as real, and so see no problem elevating “reverse racism” as a response to affirmative action – because racism in America is all about white people’s problems – these clowns can’t see a difference between their own stupid joke and a serious social issue that affects other people’s lives. For Republicans, complaining about the inconvenience to white people of helping under-represented groups is a civil rights issue fully equivalent to, and more important than, doing something about the social consequences of hundreds of years of slavery, segregation, and racism.

So the stunt is wrong not just because it’s cruel and childish, and not just because it’s stupid and ignorant. It’s wrong because it’s a selfish and self-centered display of moral blindness – a false equivalency between racism and the attempt to make up for racism, a deep inability and unwillingness to see the difference between privilege and lack of privilege. It’s a fundamental, and to a large degree deliberate and gleeful, act of moral perversion – a self-centered demand for more privilege by the privileged out of a sense of entitlement so pervasive it is impervious to fact, feeling, or a sense of decency.

Complaining that you’re being harmed by other people objecting to your privilege is pretty much what the GOP is for. “’In order to move society forward, we’ve got to look past race’ said Derek Zhou, vice president of [College Republicans]. Yep. The same people who think the Confederate flag is “a symbol of heritage” also think it’s imperative to “look past race”.

PS: Live-blog of the event at UCB here.

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Paul Krugman has a good column up, noting that this year’s crop of GOP candidates is even crazier than usual – all of them, with the exception of doomed atavistic sane Republican John Huntsman, are creationist, anti-choice, and climate-change denialists. All of them, that is, make medical and scientific decisions on the basis of religion, even in outright defiance of simple fact, and seek to impose their religious beliefs on others by law.

Predictably, the wingers are aspew with dudgeonified invective, as is their wont. But Roger Simon takes some kind of prize with this doozy:

Tedious New York Times reactionary (sorry for the redundancy) Paul Krugman . . .

Um . . . huh? It being yet another item of faith on the right that The New York Times is some kind of far-left publication, and Krugman being in fact certifiably liberal, Simon finds it somehow possible to call them both reactionary because they criticize politicians who are so far gone to the religious right that they engage in deliberate factual self-delusion about issues that are not controversial in rational circles.

What can this even mean? “Reactionary” is a term that, for good reason, is essentially synonymous with “right-wing”, but it does not technically mean “right-wing”. It means something like “blindly rejecting change or progress”. One cannot be reactionary to the status quo, because an unchanging state – a state of inaction – cannot provoke a reaction. Reactionaries reject progress, not stasis, by definition – and thus are anti-progressive, by definition. (Possibly one could be reactionary towards a retrogression, but that’s not how the term is usually used, and presumably not how Simon understands it. These would indeed be good times for a progressive reactionism, but Simon can’t mean that about Krugman, since he wouldn’t accept that creationism and AGW-denialism in any way represent a move backwards.)

As in so many cases, the right wing just makes up terms to suit itself (“intelligent design”, “pro-life”, “death tax”). A favored tactic is projection of right-wing crimes onto progressives (recall Liberal Fascism, and those two paeans to closed-mindedness, The Closing of the American Mind, and Illiberal Education – both arguing that higher education was ruined by letting more people have it on their own terms). Now Simon calls Paul Krugman – as mild-mannered, but sincere, a progressive as you could ever find – “reactionary”. Judging from the content of his blog, here are some things that are not reactionary, in Simon’s mind: complaining about Hollywood liberals; evangelical Christianity; conservative Christian prayer rallies officially hosted by elected officials; Rick Perry; Sarah Palin.

It goes without saying that someone who doesn’t even know what his own words mean can’t be relied on for any wisdom in speaking them. Like the rest of the right wing, he should just be ignored. But their vacuous stupidity still has the power to stun.

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Running true to a very tedious and familiar form, some nutcase makes waves to prove how Christian he is by proving how crazy he is:

Brothers and Sisters , I have been seriously considering forming a ( Christian ) grassroots type of organization to be named “The Christian National Registry of Atheists” or something similar . I mean , think about it . There are already National Registrys for convicted sex offenders , ex-convicts , terrorist cells , hate groups like the KKK , skinheads , radical Islamists , etc..

This type of “National Registry” would merely be for information purposes . To inform the public of KNOWN ( i.e., self-admitted) atheists . . . .

Now , many (especially the atheists ) , may ask “Why do this , what’s the purpose ?” Duhhh , Mr. Atheist , for the same purpose many States put the names and photos of convicted sex offenders and other ex-felons on the I-Net – to INFORM the public ! I mean , in the City of Miramar , Florida , where I live , the population is approx. 109,000 . My family and I would sure like to know how many of those 109,000 are ADMITTED atheists ! Perhaps we may actually know some . In which case we could begin to witness to them and warn them of the dangers of atheism . Or perhaps they are radical atheists , whose hearts are as hard as Pharaoh’s , in that case , if they are business owners , we would encourage all our Christian friends , as well as the various churches and their congregations NOT to patronize them as we would only be “feeding” Satan .

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It hardly needs to be pointed out, but here’s yet more proof that the budget and debt debate is, for conservatives, nothing but political grandstanding to score points. The economic fate of the nation is nothing to them but a tool for the betterment of the Republican party.

Here’s William Kristol – the “serious” conservative – advocating destroying government financing to gain position for Republicans in the 2012 election:

To govern is to choose. To vote is to choose. To vote against John Boehner on the House floor this week in the biggest showdown of the current Congress is to choose to vote with Nancy Pelosi. To vote against Boehner is to choose to support Barack Obama. It is to choose to increase the chances that worse legislation than Boehner’s passes. And it is to choose to increase the chances that Obama emerges from this showdown politically stronger. So when the Heritage Action Fund and the Club for Growth, and Senators Vitter, Paul, et al., choose to urge House Republicans to join the Democrats to defeat Boehner, they’re choosing to side with Barack Obama. . . .

Can the pro-Obama right explain how defeat for Boehner on the House floor would redound to conservatives’ benefit, to their ability to do more and to go further? . . .

Now, Heritage Action and the Club for Growth are siding with and strengthening Barack Obama and Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid. They’re working to produce a policy and political defeat for John Boehner and Eric Cantor and Paul Ryan and the Republican majority in the House. This isn’t principled conservatism. . . .

The Boehner bill isn’t great. But it does check Obama’s spending for the remainder of his first term. And it lays the groundwork for denying him a second. Success for Boehner now—whatever mistakes he and others have made in recent weeks and months—makes more likely the defeat of Obama in 2012. This in turn will make possible the repeal of Obamacare and fundamental conservative budget and policy reforms with a new president in 2013.

When wavering House Republicans think the current situation through, they won’t choose to join the pro-Obama right. They’ll choose to stand with John Boehner against Barack Obama. Because victory over Obama is no vice. And losing to Obama is no virtue.

I especially like how he gets in a shout-out to Goldwater’s explicit defense of McCarthyite “extremism” at the end. Because red-baiting is always a good idea, no matter how idiotic it makes you.

Nowhere in that entire piece is there any actual discussion of the content of the various debt bills or proposals, or even any reference to what the issue is about. Other than brief, vague endorsements of “conservatism” and opposition to “spending” and “Obamacare” – itself more political hackery – he has no goal at all other than politically harming Obama. He explicitly positions the debt debate as “us vs. them”; “principled conservatism” for him means promoting Republicans and opposing Democrats. “Victory” means defeating Obama; “losing” means voting for a policy Obama also endorses.

The sheer stupid amorality of it is surprising only for its openness. Politics is – by declaration – nothing to conservatives other than the successful quest for power of people like them; political issues are nothing but set pieces to be played out for political influence, no matter what the outcome for people actually affected; “principle” is political advantage – openly described as such. And again, this is a “thought leader” – such as they are – among movement conservatives.

These assholes make me physically sick. I used to think conservatives were just wrong about everything. Now I think they’re active enemies of decency, and even basic common sense. It takes a palpable effort to hate them enough.

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An observation: I was startled to notice how often I qualify factual statements with the word “literally” (see my previous post). I don’t use it the mindless way many people do (my recent favorite: a co-worker who arrived at the office complaining about being delayed by a subway slowdown that “literally took forever!” – but . . . you got here . . .?). But I find I keep needing to make it clear that the things I’m saying are actually true.

I finally realized what prompts this: public discourse today is so poisoned with both ignorance and simple deliberate bullshit that merely asserting something as fact is not taken to be an endorsement of its truth. You have to go further to declare which of your statements are to be taken at face value, if you care whether the audience will believe you are not lying when you say them.

In a world of Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh, where every single major Republican openly touts creationism and dismisses global warming, where endorsing noxious and proven-false religious, patriotic, and cultural nonsense is an actual requirement of office for candidates from both parties, simply saying things is completely outmoded as a means of asserting their truth. Nobody is expected to believe the things they say anymore; nobody does believe that others believe the things they say. And of course it is then impossible to accept the things other say as things that should be believed, even if those others are regarded as generally honest by the standards of the day (which is to say: consistently amoral liars). Public discourse in the United States has become an exercise of witless yammering between people who do not know the difference between truth and falsehood and people who do not care – a moronic flailing in which knowing the truth and holding to standards of honest discussion not only provide no advantage, but may be a weakness.

I am not a creationist, a science-denialist, or a progenitor of idiotic mythologies about magical beings, economics, or race. But I still can’t just say what I know, or even believe I know, in a simple declarative way, because today most conversation about science, health, religion, economics, race, culture, or politics consists largely of patently false posturing from lying ideologues; it’s assumed that anyone saying anything about any topic of contention is doing so ideologically, and without regard to truth. And in fact, truth is considered irrelevant to promoting one’s position on factual issues: the range of repeatedly-disproven falsehoods that constitute the entire substance of the right-wing position on almost any issue – abortion, climate, gay marriage, evolution, education, immigration, penology, economics . . . – is too vast to overcome, and is well-documented in every case, and that documentation has absolutely no impact on their willingness to keep saying false things, or their followers’ willingness to accept them. Even those who know better, and care about the truth, are forced into conducting the debate on that ground, because so many people have been led to believe that that is the ground of conversation.

It is to the point now that you have to declare when you are saying something you really believe before you can ask that it be taken as a factual assertion. Literally. And that sucks. Figuratively.

 

* Go ahead; look it up.

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The Raw Story posted the following headline, lede, and second graf today:

Texas police find children’s dismembered bodies in mass grave

HOUSTON, Texas — Texas police, acting on a tip-off, Tuesday found a mass grave containing “a lot of bodies,” including the corpses of children, US media reported.

UPDATE: Texas officials say no bodies found at home of alleged ‘mass grave’

Yeah, that’s some ace reportin’, alright.

It gets better: the entire incident, including a stakeout, search warrant, and physical entry of the property by masses of Texas police backed by state troopers, was prompted by phone calls from a “psychic”.

The thing is, we can’t just blame this on Texas anymore. Used to was, Texas crazy conveniently excused all the stupidity in America – in a country this size, there have to be a fair number of people at the bottom of the barrel, and Texas was a good place to put them. (The same day the state police were kicking in somebody’s door because Madame LaLoony told them to, the governor of Texas was proclaiming an official directive for everybody in the state to pretend to talk to an invisible magician in the sky. Progress in Texas: the psychic wasn’t tried for being a witch.) But today, everybody is this stupid. The entire Republican party leadership officially endorses (in various combinations) theocracy, creationism, personhood for zygotes/embryos/fetuses/corporations, mandatory Christianity, prohibition of non-Christianity, delusional medicine, delusional economics, prayer therapy, and pretty much any backward irrationality you can think of that’s compatible with their religion. And the general public buys this: half of them vote Republican, and the rest think this is normal.

Notice to all: God told my psychic to tell me to tell you that you’re all fuckin’ morons.

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Holy shit. The ludicrous Ben Stein goes completely off the rails with this loathsome commentary on the IMF rape case. Stein is a jackass of the first water, and given to weird conspiracy theories (global warming, evolution theory, and the welfare state are all secret movements designed to undermine freedom), but he likes to position himself as a simply a mild-mannered economic crank (“Beuller? Bueller? Buy mortgage-backed securities!”). It’s only a matter of time, though, for any conservative before classism and misogyny break through the surface (presumably nobody told him the woman in this case is an African Muslim – I guess he’ll need to post a followup).

The idiocy below starts out stupid and just gets gradually more offensive sentence by sentence. By the end it is almost the ugliest and nastiest thing I have yet seen posted about this case. My only hope is that this is the piece that finally takes Stein off the map as a supposed “reasonable conservative”. At his best he was a David Brooks dunderhead; today he exposes himself as an Ann Coulter psychotic, and he ought to be remembered as such. (more…)

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